He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
