dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I'm really busy with my period
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