kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize