I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
