Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
