Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
