I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
