Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
