I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Welp...herpes.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize