Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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