apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
