I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
