I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
