we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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