So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
