I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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