Just fell off a train. Bad.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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