I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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