Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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