Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
