Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
