he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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