before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
