She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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