Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
