I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
