i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
