Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize