R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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