make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He better not be in your backpack
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize