Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
