I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I want you more than these girls want KFC
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
