I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
whose ass print is on the piano?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I licked your asshole in confidence.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
