rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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