i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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