If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
