You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
