i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
