I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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