we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Never joke about your clitoris.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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