Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
