I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
