Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize