god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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