I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
