allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
