I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
