My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
