do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
