apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
