Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
