I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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