thus making me awesome and them whores
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
