would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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