oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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