He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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