This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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