yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
