Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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