apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize