Betty ford says i'm here all night
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
