Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I think I sprained my soul last night
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Randomize