You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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