i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
