I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
