God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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