ugly people sure do ruin things
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
