Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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