What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
