Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
