She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
