Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
