She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize