So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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