I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
