You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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