doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
