Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
