Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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