i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
