His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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