Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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