Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
