I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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