I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
We just shotgunned beers for America
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
