i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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