the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
