I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
