We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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