I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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