I seem to have left my pride at pride
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
What drink are we having for lunch?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
