Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
