I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
