my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
