I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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