I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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