okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
