definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
