I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
