You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
