I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
