my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize