No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
she peed on how many people?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
