he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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