Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I wish there were birth control emojis
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
