she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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