im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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