were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
