drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
