So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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