I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
