hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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